Let me paint you a picture... I'm taking what may be the most important exam of my academic career. Seated away from the masses, drink and snacks on hand, pencils sharpened, computer warm and ready, notes neatly stacked to my right. I'm on fire, my mind is alert and my fingers are strong. Bring out the test.
The first portion of the exam is pure essay. Without hesitation I begin planning out my answer, pin down the correct application, and create a beautiful conglomerate of functional words--all of which will propel me into the highest grade bracket in my contracts class, and inevitably the highest income bracket of my peers (these are my thoughts). At the end of the essay section, I retreat to the bathroom and for the first time in what seems like weeks, I feel my body relax.
Paul enters the urinal to my left, and our conversation goes something like this:
--Hey Paul, how'd you feel about the essays?
--Ok, but section B on the first essay was pretty tough....
(pause)
B?
And this is the single most horrifying instant of an academic's life.
At that moment, all bodily functions ceased and my mind raced back to the first initial glimpse of the test 90 minutes prior. I remember vaguely....seeing something...a B section?? No, no, no, no, no....
I'm in a daze. I zip up my pants (almost too quickly), wash my hands, and walk out the door still holding the paper towel. Back in the classroom I pick up the copy of the test and turn the page.... Sure enough, section A and section B. My stomach drops through my feet, my heart pinches my chest. I explore a stream of expletives in my mind. Why did this happen? After all the preparation, the arrival, the execution. Visions of sleeping on foam mattresses in the streets of Phoenix dance through my head...overpasses, cardboard signs, the whole stretch...and worse images: me as a defense attorney in Tucson. I believe the correct word for this feeling I have is "crushed."
Before you ask me if there's any relief, there's not. I've talked to the Dean of Students and it appears there is no repentance.
No fear. I'll bounce back from this stronger than ever. I mean...it's me. Ain't nothing gonna break my stride.
9 comments:
i am grateful for your last line... i was about to say something i know my mom would have said (and in fact did), "there are no accidents." let it go. then my second thought as you ramble about how prayers are not answers, "you aren't good at faith," which you had better get over unless you want to be living on the streets of TUCSON alone. :)
ps... i love you and did cry when you told me. but in order to keep my sanity, i cannot be codependent! loves!
Ammon,
I am so sorry, bro. Looking back I shouldn't have said anything about the test until after it was over. Hopefully you nailed the multiple choice.
I'll be in Tucson right with you. We can get famous by defending Lute Olson in a contract dispute. I can see it now: U of A goes 0 - 22 in the regular season in 2010, and the athletic director beats down on Lute Olson and tells him that he better accept a lower salary for the next 5 years, the remainder of the contract, or else he'll tell lies to the media. Lute comes to us, obviously because we are well-known by this time in Tucson, in dispair after he accepts the new writing. We come into the court room, holding our contracts books in one hand and each other's hand in the other, and tell the judge, in perfect unison, that U of A had a pre-existing duty to pay Olson on the previous terms. Afterall, a one-sided modification of an existing contract does not have consideration. Furthermore, there were no unexpected circumstances that would compel a new contract to be made.
Knowing you, you'll work it on every other exam. You're the man.
The infamous Paul
I know people will read this so I will refrain from filling you in on the expletives that went through my mind (and half out my mouth) when I realized I almost did the same thing. But you know what I think, who freaking cares. Someday we are going to look back at how stressed an anal we were right now, and laugh at how foolish we were (Brandt included). I know that is no solace when you study hard all year and dont feel like you gave everything in the end, but there are worse things. If you want some good advice to get your mind off it, go read songs of innocence and experience by Blake. I did that last night when I couldnt sleep and it really helped me get my mind right.
yours truly,
bryan perk
wow. i probably shouldn't have read that before starting my finals. good luck on the rest!
dude, that super sucks...but you're right, nobody's gonna break that stride(that rings of a catchy 80's song that I can't quite place). I've seen people try to break your stride and I think they're all still at the ICU at IHC in Provo, unless they're dead by now...which they probably are.
Anyway, got news for ya- you don't need a law degree to be first mate on that yacht we're saving towards, so don't sweat any of this garbage. If anything, quit now and head down to the Caymans to reserve us a dock somewhere to launch from. I'll work on the rest from my end. I love you, man.
Do you see any wealthy climbers dude? No, we're all vagrants and vagabonds. I've decided to follow suit and get the worse GPA of my entire college career this semester -- by far. The mountain doesn't care what you did on your test dude. You can also put a Spiritual twist on this paragraph by some simple editing, if that's your thing. Ps, I got my second V6 tonight and it felt oh soooo right.
and the fact that I put "worse" instead of "worst" should help you see why...
am. bro. man. all i have to say is: aren't you glad you have a bunch of hilarious friends to send you comments on your posts? and a super cool sister too? yeah, like i said - i bet that dean of whatever is just like every administrator here at byu. they pretend like there's nothing you can do about anything because they think they are the MAN! don't let the man get ya down. lawyers should be able to talk themselves out of or into anything they want. and if they don't listen then just start Clearance 2: live from tucson and i'll buy your album. dude, i still listen to warmonger and better days almost daily still. can't get enough. i love you!
sounds like your wife is rubbing off on you. Cardboard mattresses underneath bridgeways smells of fresh paint on the STATS 221 canvas. I mean Tuscon could be worse.....right?
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